i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
