I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
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