We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I just want nice things and good sex
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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