Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize