he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
