the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
