So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
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