Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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