I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize