can we get nightvision for the apartment?
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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