I just pynch a tree in the face
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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