She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
