Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
