you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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