OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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