So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
