She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
