my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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Two words: nipple clamps
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