I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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