So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
