i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
this is an emotional support booty call
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
