Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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