Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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