I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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