yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
