READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
