Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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