"it" just moved
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
