The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
