this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
