Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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