So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
