I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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