This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
