You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize