onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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