ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Randomize
