Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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