You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
