my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
