I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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