That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Randomize
