shes about as inviting as chlamydia
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
