Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
