What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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