She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
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