Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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