Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
