I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
