SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
