I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
