he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
where are my eyebrows?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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