Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
