Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Randomize
