I must be too annoying 4 u.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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