I want to make a zoo with you.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
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