The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
