...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
