so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
