just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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