Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
