Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
