I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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