There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize