HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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