What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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