Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
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