quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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